_ Chapter I _ Miss Marjoribanks lost her mother when she was only fifteen , and when , to add to the misfortune , she was absent at school , and could not have it in her power to soothe her dear mamma 's last moments , as she herself said .
Words are sometimes very poor exponents of such an event : but it happens now and then , on the other hand , that a plain intimation expresses too much , and suggests emotion and suffering which , in reality , have but little , if any , existence .
Mrs Marjoribanks , poor lady , had been an invalid for many years ; she had grown a little peevish in her loneliness , not feeling herself of much account in this world .
There are some rare natures that are content to acquiesce in the general neglect , and forget themselves when they find themselves forgotten ; but it is unfortunately much more usual to take the plan adopted by Mrs Marjoribanks , who devoted all her powers , during the last ten years of her life , to the solacement and care of that poor self which other people neglected .
The consequence was , that when she disappeared from her sofa -- except for the mere physical fact that she was no longer there -- no one , except her maid , whose occupation was gone , could have found out much difference .
Her husband , it is true , who had , somewhere , hidden deep in some secret corner of his physical organisation , the remains of a heart , experienced a certain sentiment of sadness when he re-entered the house from which she had gone away for ever .
But Dr Marjoribanks was too busy a man to waste his feelings on a mere sentiment .
His daughter , however , was only fifteen , and had floods of tears at her command , as was natural at that age .
All the way home she revolved the situation in her mind , which was considerably enlightened by novels and popular philosophy -- for the lady at the head of Miss Marjoribanks school was a devoted admirer of _ Friends in Council _ , and was fond of bestowing that work as a prize , with pencil-marks on the margin -- so that Lucilla 's mind had been cultivated , and was brimful of the best of sentiments .
She made up her mind on her journey to a great many virtuous resolutions ; for , in such a case as hers , it was evidently the duty of an only child to devote herself to her father 's comfort , and become the sunshine of his life , as so many young persons of her age have been known to become in literature .
Miss Marjoribanks had a lively mind , and was capable of grasping all the circumstances of the situation at a glance .
Thus , between the outbreaks of her tears for her mother , it became apparent to her that she must sacrifice her own feelings , and make a cheerful home for papa , and that a great many changes would be necessary in the household -- changes which went so far as even to extend to the furniture .
Miss Marjoribanks sketched to herself , as she lay back in the corner of the railway carriage , with her veil down , how she would wind herself up to the duty of presiding at her papa 's dinner-parties , and charming everybody by her good humour , and brightness , and devotion to his comfort ; and how , when it was all over , she would withdraw and cry her eyes out in her own room , and be found in the morning languid and worn-out , but always heroical , ready to go downstairs and assist at dear papa 's breakfast , and keep up her smiles for him till he had gone out to his patients .
Altogether the picture was a very pretty one ; and , considering that a great many young ladies in deep mourning put force upon their feelings in novels , and maintain a smile for the benefit of the unobservant male creatures of whom they have the charge , the idea was not at all extravagant , considering that Miss Marjoribanks was but fifteen .
She was not , however , exactly the kind of figure for this _ mise en scène _ .
When her schoolfellows talked of her to their friends -- for Lucilla was already an important personage at Mount Pleasant -- the most common description they gave her was , that she was " a large girl " ; and there was great truth in the adjective .
She was not to be described as a tall girl -- which conveys an altogether different idea -- but she was large in all particulars , full and well-developed , with somewhat large features , not at all pretty as yet , though it was known in Mount Pleasant that somebody had said that such a face might ripen into beauty , and become " grandiose , " for anything anybody could tell .
Miss Marjoribanks was not vain ; but the word had taken possession of her imagination , as was natural , and solaced her much when she made the painful discovery that her gloves were half a number larger , and her shoes a hair-breadth broader , than those of any of her companions ; but the hands and feet were both perfectly well shaped ; and being at the same time well clothed and plump , were much more presentable and pleasant to look upon than the lean rudimentary schoolgirl hands with which they were surrounded .
To add to these excellences , Lucilla had a mass of hair which , if it could but have been cleared a little in its tint , would have been golden , though at present it was nothing more than tawny , and curly to exasperation .
She wore it in large thick curls , which did not , however , float or wave , or do any of the graceful things which curls ought to do ; for it had this aggravating quality , that it would not grow long , but would grow ridiculously , unmanageably thick , to the admiration of her companions , but to her own despair , for there was no knowing what to do with those short but ponderous locks .
These were the external characteristics of the girl who was going home to be a comfort to her widowed father , and meant to sacrifice herself to his happiness .
In the course of her rapid journey she had already settled upon everything that had to be done ; or rather , to speak truly , had rehearsed everything , according to the habit already acquired by a quick mind , a good deal occupied with itself .
First , she meant to fall into her father 's arms -- forgetting , with that singular facility for overlooking the peculiarities of others which belongs to such a character , that Dr Marjoribanks was very little given to embracing , and that a hasty kiss on her forehead was the warmest caress he had ever given his daughter -- and then to rush up to the chamber of death and weep over dear mamma .
" And to think I was not there to soothe her last moments ! "
Lucilla said to herself , with a sob , and with feelings sufficiently real in their way .
After this , the devoted daughter made up her mind to come downstairs again , pale as death , but self-controlled , and devote herself to papa .
Perhaps , if great emotion should make him tearless , as such cases had been known , Miss Marjoribanks would steal into his arms unawares , and so surprise him into weeping .
All this went briskly through her mind , undeterred by the reflection that tears were as much out of the Doctor 's way as embraces ; and in this mood she sped swiftly along in the inspiration of her first sorrow , as she imagined , but in reality to suffer her first disappointment , which was of a less soothing character than that mild and manageable grief .
When Miss Marjoribanks reached home her mother had been dead for twenty-four hours ; and her father was not at the door to receive her as she had expected , but by the bedside of a patient in extremity , who could not consent to go out of the world without the Doctor .
This was a sad reversal of her intentions , but Lucilla was not the woman to be disconcerted .
She carried out the second part of her programme without either interference or sympathy , except from Mrs Marjoribanks 's maid , who had some hopes from the moment of her arrival .
" I ca n't abear to think as I 'm to be parted from you all , miss , " sobbed the faithful attendant .
" I 've lost the best missus as ever was , and I should n't mind going after her .
Whenever any one gets a good friend in this world , they 're the first to be took away , " said the weeping handmaiden , who naturally saw her own loss in the most vivid light .
" Ah , Ellis , " cried Miss Marjoribanks , reposing her sorrow in the arms of this anxious attendant , " we must try to be a comfort to poor papa ! "
With this end Lucilla made herself very troublesome to the sober-minded Doctor during those few dim days before the faint and daily lessening shadow of poor Mrs Marjoribanks was removed altogether from the house .
When that sad ceremony had taken place , and the Doctor returned , serious enough , Heaven knows , to the great house , where the faded helpless woman , who had notwithstanding been his love and his bride in other days , lay no longer on the familiar sofa , the crisis arrived which Miss Marjoribanks had rehearsed so often , but after quite a different fashion .
The widower was tearless , indeed , but not from excess of emotion .
On the contrary , a painful heaviness possessed him when he became aware how little real sorrow was in his mind , and how small an actual loss was this loss of his wife , which bulked before the world as an event of just as much magnitude as the loss , for example , which poor Mr Lake , the drawing-master , was at the same moment suffering .
It was even sad , in another point of view , to think of a human creature passing out of the world , and leaving so little trace that she had ever been there .
As for the pretty creature whom Dr Marjoribanks had married , she had vanished into thin air years and years ago .
These thoughts were heavy enough -- perhaps even more overwhelming than that grief which develops love to its highest point of intensity .
But such were not precisely the kind of reflections which could be solaced by paternal _ attendrissement _ over a weeping and devoted daughter .
It was May , and the weather was warm for the season ; but Lucilla had caused the fire to be lighted in the large gloomy library where Dr Marjoribanks always sat in the evenings , with the idea that it would be " a comfort " to him ; and , for the same reason , she had ordered tea to be served there , instead of the dinner , for which her father , as she imagined , could have little appetite .
When the Doctor went in to his favourite seclusion , tired and heated and sad -- for even on the day of his wife 's funeral the favourite doctor of Carlingford had patients to think of -- the very heaviness of his thoughts gave warmth to his indignation .
He had longed for the quiet and the coolness and the solitude of his library , apart from everybody ; and when he found it radiant with firelight , tea set on the table , and Lucilla crying by the fire , in her new crape , the effect upon a temper by no means perfect may be imagined .
The unfortunate man threw both the windows wide open and rang the bell violently , and gave instant orders for the removal of the unnecessary fire and the tea-service .
" Let me know when dinner is ready , " he said , in a voice like thunder ; " and if Miss Marjoribanks wants a fire , let it be lighted in the drawing-room . "
Lucilla was so much taken by surprise by this sudden overthrow of her programme , that she submitted , as a girl of much less spirit might have done , and suffered herself and her fire and her tea-things to be dismissed upstairs , where she wept still more at sight of dear mamma 's sofa , and where Ellis came to mingle her tears with those of her young mistress , and to beg dear Miss Lucilla , for the sake of her precious ' elth and her dear papa , to be persuaded to take some tea .
On the whole , master stood lessened in the eyes of all the household by his ability to eat his dinner , and his resentment at having his habitudes disturbed .
" Them men would eat and drink if we was all in our graves , " said the indignant cook , who indeed had a real grievance ; and the outraged sentiment of the kitchen was avenged by a bad and hasty dinner , which the Doctor , though generally " very particular , " swallowed without remark .
About an hour afterwards he went upstairs to the drawing-room , where Miss Marjoribanks was waiting for him , much less at ease than she had expected to be .
Though he gave a little sigh at the sight of his wife 's sofa , he did not hesitate to sit down upon it , and even to draw it a little out of its position , which , as Lucilla described afterwards , was like a knife going into her heart .
Though , indeed , she had herself decided already , in the intervals of her tears , that the drawing-room furniture had got very faded and shabby , and that it would be very expedient to have it renewed for the new reign of youth and energy which was about to commence .
As for the Doctor , though Miss Marjoribanks thought him insensible , his heart was heavy enough .
His wife had gone out of the world without leaving the least mark of her existence , except in that large girl , whose spirits and forces were unbounded , but whose discretion at the present moment did not seem much greater than her mother 's .
Instead of thinking of her as a comfort , the Doctor felt himself called upon to face a new and unexpected embarrassment .
It would have been a satisfaction to him just then to have been left to himself , and permitted to work on quietly at his profession , and to write his papers for the _ Lancet _ , and to see his friends now and then when he chose ; for Dr Marjoribanks was not a man who had any great need of sympathy by nature , or who was at all addicted to demonstrations of feeling ; consequently , he drew his wife 's sofa a little farther from the fire , and took his seat on it soberly , quite unaware that , by so doing , he was putting a knife into his daughter 's heart .